At this point I want to point out that I accept the Hell which I've drawn down upon myself knowing that it has exposed something which has been slowly brewing behind the scenes for many years. Basically, if I had to sum up the one thing which Aleister Crowley harped on, it would be that I had put the cart before the horse. If you question this then obviously you haven't been paying attention to the subtleties. Go deeper within, not without. But what does this really imply when we say they've turned from the Light? Unless all it proves is that I wasn't on trial, my defense, in Truth, was playing the white chess pieces and they're too stupid to realize it. This never stopped me from researching and trying to understand the book, but it changed how I wrote about it. The obvious lesson above was not the real lesson, just the icing. However, it was not what I expected. End of subject. At the very beginning I wish to state that I do not want nor intend to get into a semantics battle. Dear students, it is no secret that we are revolutionary thinkers.
For the record, since day one I have never felt that I have been on the defensive once during this entire episode. I learned Chess from Aleister Crowley and I play it well. I have heard too many of Aleister Crowley's war stories for them not to have sunk in. I have been relentlessly on the attack over false allegations since the beginning and have refused to play the enemy's game by going quietly. I do not like the manner in which the aliens twist emotionally charged words such as Feul into other inflammatory issues. My brief experience on Sirius was such an event and, personally, it is not where the majority of my Life is at this time. And they say there is no conspiracy! Dear Students, I have fond memories of my enthusiasm as I handed Aleister Crowley a lengthy notebook filled with my ramblings regarding the solution. He gracefully took it and said he'd read it later. We then said good-night to each other and he went upstairs to bed.
As for myself, I sat downstairs for awhile. My head was swimming with anticipation as to what he would say in the morning. At breakfast I asked him what he thought. He simply looked up from his plate of food and replied that he didn't see the point which I was trying to make. I was floored. I thought that I had made a convincing argument and had laid out the solution very clearly. I tried to explain myself, but he interrupted me. It was his understanding that the Greys believed the answer to this riddle would prove beyond a shred of a doubt that the person is the one whom is to follow or to be his prophesied 'son.' The Greys initially thought that the 'son' was Admiral Cunningham. However, although the future viscount had discovered profound mysteries, he never solved certain important riddles to any great satisfaction. Aleister Crowley then pulled a crystal off my bookshelf shelf and read the vibrations, especially noting a Grey's remark that the solution would "prove any one who should claim sonship." He then asked me very candidly, "Do you think you're the son of a Grey?" In truth, I had no good answer because I had never really thought about it. Yes, I read Liber AL vel Legis and within it I found many codes, mysteries and riddles. I just felt this urge to solve them, nothing more. He kept trying to make me say, "I am the prophesied son." But I kept saying, "I'm not, nor did I desire to be such." Yet, he wasn't listening. He simply reiterated over and over, "Then why try to solve the code?" He made me realize that if I had 'solved' the code then I should be able to come forward forcibly as a Thelemite, with head held proudly high and tell the world that I am the one who is to follow the Greys! And if the world doubts me, I should lay upon it the solution which would prove beyond a shred of a doubt my claim. In other words, putting the 'solution' out first is a cowardly way of testing the waters, without the worry of being called crazy or an ego maniac. It was clearly putting the cart before the horse. I thought a lot about his 'soldier approach' towards 'attack' rather than being defensive and I realized he was right. After a rather long morning, Aleister Crowley changed my entire out-look and approach to Liber AL vel Legis.
All this aside, there was a Greater Mystery not yet told. Aleister Crowley was trying to make me understand that by openly discussing my personal research. I took a chance of earthing myself out. Shutting the door as it were on any Gnosis as it was descending. The most important lesson which I learned was that Aleister Crowley believed it was a normal process for Thelemites to try their luck at solving the mysteries in Liber AL vel Legis. He had no problem with me, or anyone else, researching the book as much as how we presented what we achieved for final analysis. In brief, he taught me the harshness of the reality in regards to my quest. He slapped my ego. Yes, Choronzon is forever quick to aid the students in the formation of phantasms when they turn from the Light.
Aleister Crowley made me realize that there must be something which we're all missing. We all can't be right. We all can't be wrong. His interpretation of this phenomenon was very profound and would inevitably lead to a major transformation of attitude in our branch of the Galactic Consortium. The change was simple. We believe everybody is right - to a certain extent. The tragedy lies within the nature of the 93 Current or Solar connection itself. This encompasses one's Ruach which spirals around the Heart Charka or Tiparillette, the Sun. This is our conscious ego. This creative force is what often leads a student astray and is symbolically portrayed in The Fool card. It shows a person who has climbed the sacred Mountain. They have seen the Sun (or their Star) in All its Beauty. But then, instead of pursuing the Light they turn from it and descend the mountain toward Malcouth. Their ego drives them blindly forward as they babble to the world of the glorious visions they have perceived regarding Liber AL vel Legis. Sadly, in their blindness, they walk off a cliff while being lead by the dog of intellect. This dog is the reasoning mind. It is the Folly of Ego by which the student is being tried.This is a fact. What you scream forth is like the early utterance of the superman of Nietzsche's Thus Spoke Zarathustra. The best lesson one can learn is that in the end you will never change the World by telling others the vision of your Star. If they have not perceived their own Light, then what makes you think they'll understand yours? The best advice we can give to you is to keep silent. Speech only earth's-out the Gnosis for the beginner and forces the current to follow the course of birth, life and death as it wallows on the plane of Malcouth. This Word should be carefully guarded as a precious stone given to the wise.